Things As They Really Are

For this unit of my class we had to listen to a really, really excellent talk by Elder David A. Bednar called "Things As They Really Are." This talk especially struck home for me because in it he counsels us regarding things like internet use and video games (which are and have been very prevalent in my life, and which I have strong feelings about). But what I especially love is that it isn't the same rehashed message about avoiding bad media and seeking out things that are "virtuous, lovely, or of good report, or praiseworthy" (though those are great messages as well). Instead, he takes a different approach on the whole issue, and it makes incredibly good sense.

I will go over some of my favorite parts in this blog post, but I really encourage you to watch his whole talk here:

And/or read it by clicking here.

It is really, really good.

And here are some of my favorite points that he makes:


First, Satan wants to disconnect us from our bodies because he is does not have one.
Elder Bednar says:

"In essence, [Satan] encourages us to think and act as if we were in our premortal, unembodied state. And, if we let him, he can cunningly employ some aspects of modern technology to accomplish his purposes. Please be careful of becoming so immersed and engrossed in pixels, texting, earbuds, twittering, online social networking, and potentially addictive uses of media and the Internet that you fail to recognize the importance of your physical body and miss the richness of person-to-person communication."

Elder Bednar also advises us to be wary of wasting away our time in a digital world instead of living in the real world:

"Consider again the example I mentioned earlier of a young couple recently married in the house of the Lord. An immature or misguided spouse may devote an inordinate amount of time to playing video games, chatting online, or in other ways allowing the digital to dominate things as they really are. Initially the investment of time may seem relatively harmless, rationalized as a few minutes of needed relief from the demands of a hectic daily schedule. But important opportunities are missed for developing and improving interpersonal skills, for laughing and crying together, and for creating a rich and enduring bond of emotional intimacy. Progressively, seemingly innocent entertainment can become a form of pernicious enslavement."

Next point: we should not do things in a video game or online that we would not do in real life. Just because it is "not real" doesn't make experimenting with sins okay. Elder Bednar says:

"A simulation or model can lead to spiritual impairment and danger if the fidelity is high and the purposes are bad—such as experimenting with actions contrary to God’s commandments or enticing us to think or do things we would not otherwise think or do “because it is only a game.”"

This reminded me of a funny video by the BYU comedy troupe called Studio C. The video is about a group of guys who are playing for the first time an extremely realistic game that seems a lot like the Grand Theft Auto series. Watch it below!

As you can see, the guys go into it thinking they will have no moral dilemma over stealing cars at gunpoint or robbing banks (because after all, it's just a game, right?), but find that the game is so realistic that it feels wrong to them. While video games have (fortunately) not yet reached this level of realism, we still shouldn't play games that promote violence and other sinful behavior, thinking it's okay to steal cars, rob banks, or kill people just because it's a video game.

Final point: we are cautioned to not be taken in by the seeming anonymity of the internet. God knows who we are and what we are doing even if no one else does. Elder Bednar says:

"Now I would like to address an additional characteristic of the adversary’s attacks. Satan often offers an alluring illusion of anonymity. Lucifer always has sought to accomplish his work in secret (see Moses 5:30). Remember, however, that apostasy is not anonymous simply because it occurs in a blog or through a fabricated identity in a chat room or virtual world. Immoral thoughts, words, and deeds always are immoral, even in cyberspace. Deceitful acts supposedly veiled in secrecy, such as illegally downloading music from the Internet or copying CDs or DVDs for distribution to friends and families, are nonetheless deceitful. ... The Lord knows who we really are, what we really think, what we really do, and who we really are becoming. He has warned us that “the rebellious shall be pierced with much sorrow; for their iniquities shall be spoken upon the housetops, and their secret acts shall be revealed” (D&C 1:3)."

In conclusion, as technologies become more and more advanced and our world becomes more digitized, we need to take care not to become lost in the digital world and forgetful of what is real or of things as they really are.

Covenants and Ordinances

So why should we get married in the temple anyway? What difference does it really make if we are married civilly or sealed for eternity?

Here are some of the things I've learned in this unit on covenants and ordinances:

1. What ordinances are:
"In the Church, an ordinance is a sacred, formal act performed by the authority of the priesthood. Some ordinances are essential to our exaltation. These ordinances are called saving ordinances. They include: baptism, confirmation, ordination to the Melchizedek Priesthood (for men), the temple endowment, and the marriage sealing. With each of these ordinances, we enter into solemn covenants with the Lord."

"... ordinances are physical actions that symbolize spiritual experiences. By taking part in them we receive the spiritual power we need to change our lives."

2. It is not enough to merely be good in this life--there are sacred ordinances which are necessary for salvation. 
For those who "have never heard the gospel, nor had any opportunity to accept it... They may hear it in the spirit world and the work may be done vicariously for them on earth, and they may be united." "We may be angels, if we are righteous enough. Even unmarried, we may reach the celestial kingdom, but we will be ministering angels only. You see, it is not a matter of righteousness only... There must be both the righteousness and the ordinances." --President Spencer W. Kimball


3. How important eternal marriage is:

From Elder McConkie's talk: "Everything that we do in the Church is connected and associated with and tied into the eternal order of matrimony that God has ordained." Woah. I had no idea eternal marriage was this important! But I guess if you think about it, it really is! The family is central to the plan of salvation, which is the whole plan and reason for... well, everything--and you wouldn't have an eternal family unit without the everlasting covenant of marriage! So it makes sense, but I never really realized that before.

4. The difference between a civil marriage and a covenant marriage:

From Elder Hafen's talk, "Covenant Marriage": We should remember the difference between a contractual marriage (the kind of marriage most people these days enter into) and a covenant marriage. A contractual marriage is one in which both parties "marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they're receiving what they bargained for." Sometimes it is hard to not view marriage in this way, especially in this world in which we live where contractual marriages abound. But if we enter into covenant marriages in which we stick together and work through our troubles come what may, we will come out of our trials better, stronger people and receive the blessings associated with keeping our covenants.

5. We essentially receive three things when we make and honor covenants: gifts and blessings, increased faith, and divine power. (Elder Christofferson's talk "The Power of Covenants")
Some quotes from Elder Christofferson that summarize these three points:

Gifts and Blessings: "First, as we walk in obedience to the principles and commandments of the gospel of Jesus Christ, we enjoy a continual flow of blessings promised by God in His covenant with us."

Increased Faith: "[covenants] produce the faith necessary to persevere and to do all things that are expedient in the Lord. ... In the first place, the promised fruits of obedience become evident, which confirms our faith. Secondly, the Spirit communicates God’s pleasure, and we feel secure in His continued blessing and help. ... With that knowledge, our faith becomes unbounded, having the assurance that God will in due time turn every affliction to our gain."

Divine Power: "When we have entered into divine covenants, the Holy Ghost is our comforter, our guide, and our companion. ... The gifts of the Holy Spirit are testimony, faith, knowledge, wisdom, revelations, miracles, healing, and charity, to name but a few (see D&C 46:13–26)."

Same-Sex Marriage

For this post I'd like to talk about what I read from the church regarding same-gender marriage and same-gender attraction.

Most of what I am referencing will be coming from "The Divine Institution of Marriage" (LDS Commentary from newsroom.lds.org, Jan. 2014)

It is so chock-full of great information about the church's perspective on this subject,so it is going to be really hard to condense it all, but I'll do my best to help out those with short attention spans like myself. :)

It begins by saying that since the publication of "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" in 1995, there have been many challenges to the institution of marriage, particularly the legalization of same-sex marriage by several national and state governments.

It therefore outlines four purposes for the commentary released by the church in this document:

1. "to reaffirm the Church’s declaration that marriage is the lawful union of a man and a woman." 

2. "to reaffirm that the Church has a single, undeviating standard of sexual morality: intimate relations are acceptable to God only between a husband and a wife who are united in the bonds of matrimony." 

3. "to set forth the Church’s reasons for defending marriage between a man and a woman as an issue of moral imperative" (meaning, "the Church’s opposition to same-sex marriage derives from its doctrine and teachings, as well as from its concern about the consequences of same-sex marriage on religious freedom, society, families, and children") 

4. "to reaffirm that Church members should address the issue of same-sex marriage with respect and civility and should treat all people with love and humanity."

So to help you through this, I'm going to go through several important paragraphs in the document and try to summarize each in just a sentence or two.

"Marriage is far more than a contract between individuals to ratify their affections and provide for mutual obligations. Rather, marriage is a vital institution for rearing children and teaching them to become responsible adults. Throughout the ages, governments of all types have recognized marriage as essential in preserving social stability and perpetuating life. Regardless of whether marriages were performed as a religious rite or a civil ceremony, in almost every culture marriage has been protected and endorsed by governments primarily to preserve and foster the institution most central to rearing children and teaching them the moral values that undergird civilization."

Summary: Marriage not merely a contract to ratify people's affections. It is a religious and social institution whose primary purpose throughout the ages and in nearly every culture has been to rear and teach children the moral values that undergird civilization.

Super-summary: Marriage exists primarily for the benefit of children and society.

"It is true that some couples who marry will not have children, either by choice or because of infertility. The special status granted marriage is nevertheless closely linked to the inherent powers and responsibilities of procreation and to the innate differences between the genders. By contrast, same-sex marriage is an institution no longer linked to gender—to the biological realities and complementary natures of male and female. Its effect is to decouple marriage from its central role in creating life, nurturing time-honored values, and fostering family bonds across generations."

Summary: Even when marriage does not result in the creation of children, it is nevertheless closely linked with the powers of procreation and the innate differences between the genders. Male and female are both needed to create a child and naturally have complementary differences that create the ideal setting for rearing a child. To disregard this is to decouple marriage from its central role in creating life and rearing children.

Super-summary: Allowing same-sex marriages shifts the purpose of marriage from the benefit of children and society to the benefit of individual couples.

"Our modern era has seen traditional marriage and family—defined as a husband and wife with children in an intact marriage—come increasingly under assault, with deleterious consequences. ... A wide range of social ills has contributed to this weakening of marriage and family. These include divorce, cohabitation, non-marital childbearing, pornography, the erosion of fidelity in marriage, abortion, the strains of unemployment and poverty, and many other social phenomena. The Church has a long history of speaking out on these issues and seeking to minister to our members with regard to them. The focus of this document on same-sex marriage is not intended to minimize these long-standing issues."

Some more paraphrasing of what the essay says:

Many societal and religious leaders believe that redefining marriage to disregard gender will further weaken the institution of marriage over time, resulting in negative consequences for adults and children. (So basically... marriage and family are important institutions that are already on the decline, and redefining marriage will probably only make things worse.)

Legalizing same-sex marriage will affect and interfere with religious freedom.

"The possible diminishing of religious freedom is not the only societal implication of legalizing same-sex marriage. Perhaps the most common argument that proponents of same-sex marriage make is that it is essentially harmless and will not affect the institution of traditional heterosexual marriage in any way. “It won’t affect your marriage, so why should you care?” is the common refrain. While it may be true that allowing same-sex marriage will not immediately and directly affect existing marriages, the real question is how it will affect society as a whole over time, including the rising generation and future generations.[...]The all-important question of public policy must be: what environment is best for the child and for the rising generation? While some same-sex couples will obtain guardianship over children, traditional marriage provides the most solid and well-established social identity for children. It increases the likelihood that they will be able to form a clear gender identity, with sexuality closely linked to both love and procreation. By contrast, the legal recognition of same-sex marriage may, over time, erode the social identity, gender development, and moral character of children. No dialogue on this issue can be complete without taking into account the long-term consequences for children."

Summary: No proponents same-sex marriage can say unequivocally that same-sex marriage will not affect or harm traditional marriage, nor that children raised by same-gender parents will be just as well-off as children raised in a traditional home and family setting; furthermore, we believe that it will weaken these vital institutions, be a worse situation for children, and will perpetuate deteriorating morality in our society.

Gender and Eternal Identity

Unit 2 is, I imagine, the most controversial of the lessons we will be taught in this course, because it focuses on "Gender and Eternal Identity." This unit is comprised of such issues as gender roles in the home, society, and the church, as well as same-sex marriage--both of which are really contentious topics right now due to the feminist and gay rights movements.

So I realize that there are a lot of contending beliefs out there on these subjects, but I'm going to start with what "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" has to say about gender as well as the different parenting roles mothers and fathers have:


"Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose."

"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."

Some more things I learned:

1. We are created in God's image, male and female.
2. Our genders are eternal ("What we call gender was part of our existence prior to our birth."--Elder Dallin H. Oaks) and have critical purposes in fulfilling the great plan of happiness. 
3. Satan is seeking to destroy God's plan by attacking these truths about our gender, eternal identity, and destiny.
4. Men and women were created to be complementary to each other (Their "complementary relationships and functions are fundamental to His purposes. One is incomplete without the other." --President Gordon B. Hinckley).
5. Women are equal to men and not subordinate to them.6. The power of the priesthood is limitless and is shared with those who make and keep covenants.



What other counsel are men and women given?




Juuuust kidding. 

Here is some much better counsel to men from Elder Christoffersen:
"The prophet Lehi pled with his rebellious sons, saying, 'Arise from the dust, my sons, and be men' (2 Nephi 1:21). By age, Laman and Lemuel were men, but in terms of character and spiritual maturity they were still as children. They murmured and complained if asked to do anything hard. They didn't accept anyone's authority to correct them. They didn't value spiritual things. They easily resorted to violence, and they were good at playing the victim. We see some of the same attitudes today. Some act as if a man's highest goal should be his own pleasure... Dodging commitments is considered smart, but sacrificing for the good of others, naive. For some, a life of work and achievement is optional... We who hold the priesthood of God cannot afford to drift. We have work to do. We must arise from the dust of self-indulgence and be men!"



And what do the apostles say to women?
Elder Oaks: "Don't fall for the worldly urging that women should emulate men in various masculine characteristics. This is not what the Lord created you to do. ... Your destiny is to be a wife and a mother in Zion, not a model and a street-walker in Babylon. You should dress and act accordingly."
Elder Holland: "She said the loveliest women she had known had a glow of health, a warm personality, a love of learning, stability of character, and integrity."

I love this quote! Here we see that having children is not something women are only supposed to do if they've got the time and desire for them. It is what we're supposed to do--period. I especially love that last part: "It is what God gave you time for." We're not supposed to squeeze them in around all the other things we've got going on... having and raising children should be our top priority and everything else we should try to fit in around that. After all, it is why we are here in mortality--why God gave us this time.